My predictions for the winners in red; each nominee is followed by their teen teevee connection, for approx three nominations, before things devolve into a random stream of consciousness. What will you learn? Not much.

What did I learn? That I shouldn’t paste stuff straight into WordPress, but via Notepad or something first, because the formatting got ALL FUBARED UP and I nearly cried after spending AN HOUR bolding this and italicising that, only to discover half of it got undone each time I did the next bit because AARGH.

Best Motion Picture: Drama
Black Swan
(co-stars Mila Kunis from That ’70s Show!)

The Fighter (stars Amy Adams, who once guested on Buffy the Vampire Slayer as Tara’s cousin Beth!)
Inception (Joseph Gordon-Levitt starred in 10 Things I Hate About You, which was made into a terrible teen show!)
The King’s Speech (I can find no tenuous link to teenage television! Congratulations, Handsome Colin Firth, for escaping this scourge)
The Social Network (it’s got Max Minghella in it; son of Anthony Minghella, whose career began on Grange Hill!)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture: Drama
Halle Berry
(Frankie and Alice) (One of her co-stars is Clair Huxtable!)
Nicole Kidman (Rabbit Hole) (Damnit, I got nothing!)
Jennifer Lawrence (Winter’s Bone) (Dude. It’s got LAURA PALMER in it!)
Natalie Portman (Black Swan) (Carter Baizen from Gossip Girl tries to get into Natalie’s pants. Fact.)
Michelle Williams (Blue Valentine) Academy Award Nominee Jen Lindley MUST WIN THIS, people. Jen DIED. Let us never forget.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
Jesse Eisenberg
(The Social Network)
Colin Firth
(The King’s Speech) (Colin will win, because Jesse Eisenberg is 12; Franco is annoying; Gosling’s time will come, and Marky Mark stabbed a dude in the eyeball.)
James Franco
(127 Hours) (Freaks and Geeks, people. Freaks and Geeks.)
Ryan Gosling
(Blue Valentine) (Duh, his co-star is JEN LINDLEY.)
Mark Wahlberg
(The Fighter)

Best Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
in Wonderland Hello, Johnny “21 Jump Street” Depp
Co-stars Veronica Mars herself, Kristen Bell
The Kids Are All Right
(Star Julianne Moore has a Daytime Emmy; so does Buffy. Just sayin’.)
Congratulations, this category’s tenuous-teen-link-free nominee!
The Tourist
Uh, hello (again), Johnny “21 Jump Street” Depp

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
Annette Bening
The Kids Are All Right) (I’m giving up on tenuous links now, you’ll be pleased to hear. Real links only from now on FTW!)
Anne Hathaway
(Love And Other Drugs) (I hope she wins and thanks her fraudy, jailed boyfriend.)
Angelina Jolie
(The Tourist)
Julianne Moore (The Kids Are All Right)
Emma Stone
(Easy A) (I distrust her now she is blonde. Also, she stole Keiran Culkin from me.)

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
Johnny Depp
(Alice in Wonderland) (NO. THIS WAS BAD.)
Johnny Depp
(The Tourist) (Snoooooooooooze.)
Paul Giamatti
(Barney’s Version) (Really, really bad. And long.)
Jake Gyllenhaal
(Love And Other Drugs) (Jakey will win. Cos why? Cos Alice in Wonderland was balls; The Tourist was bigger balls; Barney’s Version was super-balls and Paul Giamatti, god love him, sucked; and all I can think of when I hear Casino Jack is Ben Stiller being Simple Jack. So there.)
Kevin Spacey
(Casino Jack)

Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Amy Adams
(The Fighter) (I really love her Buffy episode. Family! Tara! Mean dads! Joss has issues!)
Helena Bonham Carter
(The King’s Speech)
Mila Kunis
(Black Swan) (It would be so great if Mila wins, just as a big HA HA to Ashton “I thought I was That ’70s Show‘s breakout star?”  Kutcher.)
Melissa Leo
(The Fighter) (Melissa Leo kicks ass. Go watch Conviction as well.)
Jacki Weaver
(Animal Kingdom) (She won’t win, but bloody hell, she was scary in this. Respect, scary lady.)

Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Christian Bale
(The Fighter) (He won’t win because people still think he’s shout-y.)
Michael Douglas
(Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps) (Sympathy vote.)
Andrew Garfield
(The Social Network) (No way he wins; Spider-Man was his reward.)
Jeremy Renner
(The Town) (Ha ha ha, really? The Town got a nod?)
Geoffrey Rush
(The King’s Speech)

Best Director – Motion Picture
Darren Aronofsky/Black Swan
(Too damn tricksy, Aronofsky.)
David Fincher/The Social Network (No, David Fincher, you’re still not forgiven for Benjamin Button.)
Tom Hooper/The King’s Speech (Dunno why I’m picking this; because Colin Firth is handsome? The royal family is so hot right now?)

Christopher Nolan/Inception
(Too damn tricksy, Nolan.)
David O. Russell/The Fighter
(Good, but not Globey good.)

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture
Simon Beaufoy, Danny Boyle/127 Hours
(My friends once accidentally held Simon Beaufoy’s cat hostage. This has nothing to do with anything, I just like telling people. Anyway, this should win. They wrote a whole film about some dude sitting by a rock!)

Christopher Nolan/Inception
Stuart Blumberg, Lisa Cholodenko/The Kids Are All Right
David Seidler/The King’s Speech
(I just wanna see the screenplay to see if all the stutters were written out in full, or improvised by Firth.)
Aaron Sorkin/The Social Network

Best Television Series – Drama
Boardwalk Empire

(I love Dexter! Maybe I should do an entry on the teenaged Dexter?)
The Good Wife
(I don’t think anyone in the whole of England is watching Carol Hathaway’s show; needs more Clooney.)
Mad Men
(The best cure for insomnia since The Wire!)
The Walking Dead

Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series – Drama
Julianna Margulies
(The Good Wife) (See above, re. we’re not watching this. Sorry, Carol!)
Elisabeth Moss
(Mad Men) (I’m sorry your husband cheated on you, but your show is boring and overrated.)
Piper Perabo
(Covert Affairs) (Really? Piper “Coyote Ugly” Perabo gets nominations now? Is that the game we’re playing?)
Katey Sagal
(Sons Of Anarchy) (I have no idea what this is.)
Kyra Sedgwick
(The Closer) (Ditto.)

In an awards show first, nobody wins in this category!

Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series – Drama
Steve Buscemi
(Boardwalk Empire) (Yes, please.)
Bryan Cranston
(Breaking Bad) (Yeah, I have no idea.)
Michael C. Hall
Jon Hamm
(Mad Men) (Can we PLEASE stop giving this show blow-jobs now?)
Hugh Laurie
(House) (I feel about House like I feel about The Wire: yes, I will watch it. But only when you stop telling me to.)

Best Television Series – Comedy Or Musical
30 Rock
The Big Bang Theory
The Big C
(Double hooray!)
(I am the last person left alive who still likes Glee. Fact.)
Modern Family
Nurse Jackie

Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series – Comedy Or Musical
Toni Collette
(United States of Tara) Really? I don’t understand this show. But I like that little fella in it who was in It’s Kind of a Funny Story. So there’s that.)
Edie Falco
(Nurse Jackie) (Is anyone in England watching this? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?)
Tina Fey
(30 Rock) (When’s the inevitable Tina Fey backlash gonna happen? Or has it happened? Did I miss it? I mean, I love Tina Fey. I just worry.)
Laura Linney
(The Big C) (My reasons for wanting Laura Linney to win are one-fold: I still regret she didn’t get to shag Hot Karl in Love, Actually. A Golden Globe would make up for that.)
Lea Michele (Glee) (Don’t worry; I know this backlash has begun. One bandwagon I can get on in time!)

Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series – Comedy Or Musical
Alec Baldwin
(30 Rock)
Steve Carell
(The Office)
Thomas Jane (Hung) (Ugh, Thomas Jane.)
Matthew Morrison (Glee) (It IS a good performance, because presumably Matthew Morrison is not a sleazy, ques, self-absorbed semi-paedo in real life.)
Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory)

Best Performance by an Actress In A Mini-series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Hayley Atwell
(Pillars Of The Earth)
Claire Danes

Judi Dench
(Return to Cranford)
Romola Garai (Emma)
Jennifer Love Hewitt
(The Client List) (A. Party of Five. B. Ghost Whisperer. C. This.)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Hope Davis
(The Special Relationship)
Jane Lynch
Kelly MacDonald
(Boardwalk Empire)
Julia Stiles
(Dexter) (I don’t wanna live in a world where Julia Stiles gets nominated for stuff!!)
Sofia Vergara
(Modern Family)

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Scott Caan
(Hawaii Five-O) (I do wanna live in a world where HAWAII FIVE-O GETS NOMINATED FOR GOLDEN GLOBES OMG FTW??)
Chris Colfer
(Glee) (If there’s any justice!!!)
Chris Noth
(The Good Wife) (No. After the mess that was Sex and the City 2, Big should not be allowed to live, let alone work, let alone be successful at it.)
Eric Stonestreet
(Modern Family)
David Strathairn
(Temple Grandin)

David Seidler/The King’s Speech
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  1. The Good Wife has Logan from Gilmore Girls as well as Grams from Dawson’s Creek. I understand how the show doesn’t seem too appealing, but for what it is, it is pretty entertaining.

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